I’m Russian soul without its country,
I’m an American without its soul.
I know that my youth is gone
And now I can only remember.
I remember when I was young
And everything seemed to be achievable.
Every day was there for me to live and I didn’t care how many I had.
I’ve been waiting for happiness to arrive
But only now I understand it was then.
I wasn't aware of myself. I lived unaware of the world.
It was the time of many hopes
And I was waiting for something great to happen;
When I walked the streets of New York and saw myself in stores’ reflections.
I carried canvas and books. I believed in miracles.
I didn’t know I was pretty and
Actions of others made no sense to me.
My reactions were involuntary and
I had my needs half-met.
I wanted to be loved so badly…
I lived without clear purpose or direction
But I felt like everything was possible.
I wanted to touch and feel
Something that remained unattainable.
I modestly dreamed of success. I wanted to discover a gift.
Nobody understood me and I cared too much to fit in.
It was then when aspirations ran high.
And I was getting asleep, anxiously waiting for it to happen tomorrow…
|Mirror, 8x10", oil on gilded panel, aluminum leaf|